Kesese Kat!
by The World's Biggest Fangirl
Summary: Roderich is a college-student whose girlfriend,Elizaveta,just broke up with him. He gets home only to find an extremely annoying snd extremely good-looking catboy, Gilbert, who needs someone to take care of him. Hungary/Austria/Catboy!Prussia CRACK.
1. Chapter 1 Enter The Kitten

(A/N: This was written for a 100 Themes Challenge, which I've discontinued, but anyways, the theme was "University")

* * *

**Title:** Kesese Kat~  
**Pairing/Characters: **Frying Pangle (HungaryxAustriaxCatboy!Prussia)  
**Rating: **T  
**Genre: **Romance, crack  
**Warnings: **Three-way pairing(?), beginning slightly angsty, language, human names used, and some suggestiveness.  
**Summary: **Roderich is a bisexual college student whose girlfriend, Elizaveta, just broke up with him. He gets home to only find an extremely annoying (And extremely sexy) catboy named Gilbert who needs someone to take care of him. Then Elizaveta shows up at his front door. Chaos ensues.

Roderich Edelstein trudged home in the pouring rain, his boots dragging in mud. His phone vibrated over and over again as he walked, not helping his situation any. That was because the calls were from his ex, Elizaveta Héderváry, whom had recently broken up with him, and he did not want to talk to her. It was true that she most likely wasn't mad at him anymore and just wanted to talk- They were still on very good terms, but even the thought of her pained him. He began to hum, but stopped as he remembered how Elizaveta would do the exact same thing as she cleaned the music room at the college they both attended, and he would accompany her on the piano. Damn it, why did he ever let his guard down and let her get to him so? It was downright improper; his father would be so ashamed. One was to hold themselves together and not go around being all lovey-dovey. They were to remember their place and work, and do away with idle things such as romance. At least, that's what his father told him. The man was so old-fashioned; he needed to grow with the times. Maybe Roderich had been right in letting himself go. Then again, maybe he hadn't been. He had no idea, and he did not believe in wasting his time pondering things such as this.

He was relieved when he had finally made it to his house. It was a pretty fancy dwelling. His father was rich, after all. Grinning to himself, Roderich pulled his keys out of his pocket, carefully avoiding his phone. He walked up to the front porch and was about to insert the key into the lock when he tripped on something and fell flat on his face. He looked up to see that his foot was draped over the strangest man he had ever seen. He appeared to be about 20, an albino, with a pair of red cat ears, a red cat tail, and a smirk that Roderich did not like. At all. The stranger began to laugh, and to Roderich, he sounded slightly tipsy. "Man, what a klutz you are", he slurred.

"Shut up, arschloch!" Roderich roared, in a very improper way.

"I'm an awesome Prussian cat. Are you going to take care of me, Manboy?" the stranger retorted.

"Hell no!" Roderich untangled himself and was opening the door when the drunken catboy on the ground grabbed onto his ankle. Roderich tried to shake him off, but to no avail.

"Come on, pleeeeease!" he begged. Roderich figured that he would never be able to move from this spot ever again unless he brought this weird catboy thing in with him. Sighing, he nodded.

"Alright, fine, you may come in. Just no trouble."

The catboy squealed and crawled in, knocking Roderich soundly onto his behind. The aristocratic college student stood up, cursing under his breath in German as he followed. "So… what is your name...? Catboy?"

"Gilbert", he replied. "And yours… Manboy?"

"I am not a 'Manboy'!" Roderich growled. "If you are going to be a guest in my home, then at least be polite. For God's sakes! And I am Roderich Edelstein, but you may call me Roderich."

"Alright, Roddy!" Gilbert happily jumped onto Roderich's expensive coffee table and began to crawl around on it, knocking down several priceless family heirlooms with his hyperactive tail in the process. Roderich had to fight back the urge to scream in horror.

"Get off. Now." When Gilbert didn't comply, Roderich shoved him off onto the floor and plopped himself down at the piano. However he hadn't been expecting the rush of pain to come again, and he laid his head down on the lid, trying not to cry. Gilbert waddled over and began to rub his head against Roderich's knee. "What are you doing?" Roderich asked, nearly crying in the process.

"Well, you're sad", Gilbert replied. "And I don't want to see my master cry. Besides, if he cries, then he can't feed me."

Roderich lifted his head and glared at him. "What do you want?"

"I want tuna~" Gilbert grinned, exposing his fangs. Roderich face piano-ed and got up, rushing into the kitchen. He came back a few moments later with a plate of tuna. Sighing exasperatedly, he set the plate down and was nearly knocked over by an overly-excited Prussian catboy as he lunged into the food. Just then, the door bell rang. Groaning loudly, Roderich pounded over to the door and opened it. Standing on the other side was Elizaveta.

"W-what are you doing here?" Roderich asked, his heart sinking. Was she going to yell at him some more? Was she here to break his heart even more?

"I'm sorry Roderich, I don't know what I was thinking, I don't want to break up anymore, will you ever forgive me?" she sobbed, throwing herself into his arms. Wow, that was not what he had been expecting.

"Shhh…" he soothed. "Of course I will."

"Really?" she looked up at him with tears in her green eyes.

"Yes, really", Roderich replied. He smiled down at her, and she smiled back. She leaned forward, her lips dangerously close to his…. And then fell to the floor. Roderich instinctively jumped back as Gilbert growled at Elizaveta from his position on top of her.

"Who are you?" he growled. "And what are you trying to do to my Roddy? If you're hurting him, you'll have to get through me first." Gilbert glared smugly.

"Oh my GAWD, that is the most adorable thing in the entire world!" Elizaveta squealed, wrapping Gilbert up in a crushing hug. The Prussian catboy tried to squirm free, but to no avail. "Who IS he? Where did you get him? Don't tell me that he's your little uke that you got to make up for my absence~!"

"Good Lord, Elizaveta. You've been reading too much yaoi", Roderich sighed.

"There's no such thing as too much yaoi!" Elizaveta stuck her tongue out. Roderich face palmed.

"First of all, this is the most goddamn annoying thing in the entire world." He pointed to Gilbert, who had begun to lick his own hand like a cat licking his paws. "And second of all, my dear, if it came to that, I would be the uke."

"I knew it. I KNEW it!" Elizaveta gushed. Roderich face palmed again. Elizaveta picked up Gilbert as if he was a normal cat and looked him over. "Aww, the kitty kitty's dirty~" she cooed in baby talk. "He needs a bath!"

As soon as Gilbert heard the word "bath", he began to squirm again.

"Come on, kitty kitty, let's go~!" Elizaveta ran off to the bathroom, her crazy strength preventing Gilbert from escaping. Roderich rolled his eyes and followed. His girlfriend sure was bat-shit insane… But then again, that was the whole reason he loved her. And this Gilbert cat guy thing was also bat-shit insane.. Maybe he should love him too?

He was pretty hot..

"So, you wanna feel my awesome five meters?" Gilbert asked from inside the tub. Roderich nearly fell over. Now this cat could read MINDS?

"Of-of course not!" Roderich replied, blushing.

Elizaveta glared at Gilbert. "I saw that, and it was sooo not five meters long."

"Was too!" Gilbert replied. Roderich just shook his head as the two continued arguing. But like he'd said, they were both bat-shit insane. And he wouldn't want to change anything about either of them. After a few minutes, the argument boiled down. Elizaveta turned to Roderich as she began to shampoo Gilbert's hair.

"Oh, if you DO take his 'five awesome meters', Roderich", she instructed, "I get to take pictures."

"You'd seriously let your boyfriend cheat on you just for some sexy yaoi pics?"

Elizaveta nodded. Roderich facepalmed. For the third time, this lady was bat-shit insane, but still completely normal. "...Maybe we can both date Gilbert as well, have a three-way-pairing?"

Scratch that. This lady needed her head examined. NOW.

* * *

(It sucked, I know, but I had too much fun. Austria, Hungary has a point. There's no such thing as "too much yaoi" XD)


	2. Chapter 2 Catnip Flavored Coffee

**Title:** Kesese Kat~  
**Pairing(s)/Characters: **Frying Pangle (HungaryxAustriaxCatboy!Prussia), in this chapter GerIta (Germany/Italy) is mentioned but only Germany appears.  
**Rating: **T  
**Genre: **Romance,crack  
**Warnings: **Three-way pairing(?), sexual themes,mention of a strap-on, high school reminiscing that I probably fail at writing since I'm still in middle school, and a man getting his toenails painted. **Summary For This Chapter: **Roderich wakes up the next morning, and Gilbert is still there. Things get kind of awkward as Ludwig, Gilbert's older brother and an old friend of Roderich's comes over. Prepare to launch into some high school reminiscing.  
The next morning, Roderich woke up with a silver cat tail in his face. Looking over at Elizaveta, he saw Gilbert curled up in-between them. God, the damn thing was still there? He was persistent, wasn't he? ...Reminded him of Eliza back in their Freshman year of high school, how she wouldn't leave him alone until he "decided to stop being an ass and accept our relationship!" And the thing was pretty sexy too... He really needed to keep his thoughts proper.  
He choked as a ball of shedded fur off of Gilbert entered his mouth, propelled by the breeze from the nearby open window. Shoving Gilbert off the bed in shock, the catboy slammed onto the windowsill, his top half dangling precariously out. He mewled as the pain set in.

"Holy- Gil, let me save you!" Elizaveta chirped as her eyes fluttered open. She leapt to her feet, her frying-pan patterned pajamas swishing in the breeze as she rushed over to Gil. He sighed in relief as she hooked her arms under his armpits and pulled him back into the room.  
"Roddy, you're so mean!" Gil whined, nuzzling into Elizaveta.

"Like hell I am. Now get off of Liz. She's not the middle of this threesome, Iam. So you two'd better get over here and faun over me." Roderich pouted slightly, looking like the spoiled rich kid he was.

Elizaveta just laughed and climbed back into bed, placing Gilbert on the other side of Roderich. "That's really sad Roddy, you know that right? ...And do you even have a strap-"

"Liza shush it!" Roderich exclaimed, obviously embarassed. "I know that it's really sad, but do I look like I care?"  
"Well, yeah, Roddy, you do. Look at those cheeks of yours! They're almost as red as my extremely awesome eyes!" Gilbert smirked, poking Roderich's cheeks. The Austrian slapped his arm away. "Oww!"

"Shut up", Roderich seethed, blushing even more. The two people on either side of him burst out laughing. He groaned.

Just then, a knock sounded at the door. "I'll get it", Roderich said before anyone else could. He pushed himself up and wobbled to the door, since he had no glasses on and couldn't see too well.

On the other side was a face Roderich was sure that he'd never see again- Ludwig Beilshmidt.

The blonde stared. "R-Roderich", he said finally, in a thick German accent. "I haven't seen you since... high school."

"...Likewise. Now, why are you here? I just woke up, you know." Roderich straightened his crooked glasses as if to prove his point.

"...My brother should be here. Well, that's what Francis told me. He's a creep, you can never trust Frenchmen..." Ludwig sighed, as contemplating the French always made him annoyed. Of course, contemplating Italians was even worse.

"Is your brother named Gilbert?" Roderich inquired.

"Yes, as a matter of fact, he is." The German coughed uncomfortably.

"He's here alright. You may see him." Roderich lead Ludwig inside and into the bedroom, where Elizaveta was busy painting Gilbert's toenails. The neko was sprawled on the bed as she did so.

"Hi brother!" Gilbert smiled at a very disturbed-looking Ludwig.

"...What the hell are you doing?" Ludwig said after a long pause, continuing to stare.

"Getting my awesome nails painted!" Gilbert replied egotistically.

"B-But brother... Pink..." stuttered the utterly baffled Ludwig.

"Pink is as manly as beer or Old Spice!"

Roderich blinked as the sudden realization slapped him in the face. "No wonder you smell so bad Gilbert!"

"Why were you sniffing my brother?!" Ludwig demanded, pissed off.

"I did_ not _sniff him on purpose!" Roderich retorted.

"See, brother, I climbed on top of him while he was trying to sleep and pulled on his curl to see if it does the same thing as it does to Feli!" Gilbert explained.

If Ludwig was angry before, he was enraged now. "Brother, you had the audacity to pull on my boyfriend's erogenous zone?!"  
"No, brother, I spied on you two when you brought him home last week!" Gilbert smirked as Ludwig's face turned a bright scarlet.

"Gilbert, how immoral!" Elizaveta scolded. "...Did you get any pictures?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did!" Gilbert chuckled.

"..Can I have some?" begged an eager Elizaveta.

The two launched off into an argument on a price for the pictures as Roderich stared at the still-mortified Ludwig.

"...You keep him", Ludwig said, finally breaking the silence between him and the Austrian.

"I think I shall", Roderich replied.

"So sorry for bothering you about all of this... In fact, to make up for it, how about you and your girlfriend- She is your girlfriend right?- go out with Feli and I for dinner tomorrow night?"

"Yes, she is my girlfriend. That sounds splendid, actually... Are you paying?"  
"Of course I'm paying."

"Then we have a deal." Roderich ignored Ludwig's murmurs about how cheap he was and turned on the coffeepot before brushing his hair vainly like the pimp he was.

* * *

Well, here's the second chapter! Sorry it took so long, I got some SERIOUS writer's block on it. But no worries, I've written two more chapters, I just have to type them up. And it's not done after that!

Yes, this chapter suggests GerIta. And then there's actual GerIta to come in later!

Title came from who the f*** knows where.

Playlist:  
Futari No Harmony Duet- Shinnosuke Tachibana and Hiroki Yasumoto (A.K.A. putting Soma and Agni from Black Butler's character songs together for the gayest and most Bollywood thing ever.)


	3. Chapter 3 Is This Babysitter For Reals?

**Title:**Kesese Kat~

**Pairing(s)/Character(s): **Frying Pangle (HungaryxAustriaxCatboy!Prussia),USUK, in this chapter GerIta (Germany/Italy) is mentioned, as well as Fem!Canada.

**Rating: **T

**Genre: **Romance,crack

**Warnings: **Three-way pairing, sexual themes, high school reminiscing that I probably fail at writing since I'm still in middle school, a man wearing make-up, pizza with anchovies, and a horrible babysitter.

**Summary For This Chapter: **Roderich and Elizaveta prepare for their double date with Ludwig and Feliciano as Gilbert fumes. The babysitter Roderich got is sick and sends her brother Alfred over instead. Gilbert will try to con Alfred into taking him to crash the date.

The next night, the three members of the Edelstein household were all crowded in the bathroom. Elizaveta was furiously putting on makeup, Roderich was powdering his face, and Gilbert would normally be making fun of Roderich but instead was sitting on the toiletseat, downcast.

"Why didn't Luddy invite me?!"the neko whines. "I'm his brother! And your boyfriend! How come your girlfriend got invited?!"

"Because you are a nuisance", Roderich replies calmly, making his beauty mark even darker thanks to the means of an eye-pencil while Gilbert scowls.

"Don't worry, Gil sweetie, we've ordered you pizza with anchovies to get while you'te gone~" Elizaveta says sweetly. Gilbert's scowl loosens a bit but not much. Just then, the doorbell rings.

"That must be our babysitter!" Roderich exclaims, rushing off.

He opens the door to a blonde man with glasses, blue eyes, and a bomber jacket. "I am here to be a babysitting hero!"

"...Who are you? I was expecting Madeleine Williams..." Roderich stares.

"Who?... Oh, oh! Maddy, my half-sister! She's sick, so I decided to fill in for her. The name's Alfred F. Jones." Alfred shook Roderich's hand enthusiastically. So enthusiastically, in fact, that the Austrian's teeth rattled.

"Roderich Edelstein", he said after his head had finally stopped rocking back and forth.

"Where's your kid? Is he a brat? Does he have diapers? Does his nose run?" Alfred demands.

" 'Kid' wouldn't be the right word... If you want to meet him, he's right-" Roderich is cut off as Gilbert leaps on him and smashes their lips together. Flailing around wildly, he eventually pushes Gilbert off of him. The neko settles for lying on the floor, resting his head on his feet.

Alfred laughs, seemingly not shocked at all. "So _this_ is what I have to babysit? How awesome!"

"Glad _you _think this is awesome", Roderich says,having shaken Gilbert off of his feet. The neko pouts adorably, looking up at Roderich.

Elizaveta pat him on the head before grabbing onto Roderich's arm. "Should we go?" she asked. She was surprisingly good with makeup, especially since Roderich had known her long enough to remember her days as "Emanuel" in elementary school. She was quite different as a child- She had loved to bully Roderich, although she claims now that it was to make him "manlier". Of course, it never worked. Also, it had taken Roderich forever to get used to her actually being a girl and not the mud-covered by he had known forever.

"Well, we'll be going. Alfred, don't let Gil leave, no matter what he says or does." With that, Roderich drags Elizaveta out the door, closing it behind them.

"So, Gil, what do you want to do?" Alfred asks.

"Well, I want to go with them", Gilbert says, pouting more.

"Sorry, no can do little guy! I'm getting paid a shit ton of cash." Alfred crossed his arms.

"But Alfred... I know a hot neko who owes me one!" Gilbert grinned, as he had correctly guessed Alfred's weakness.

"How... Hot?" asked Alfred, who was blushing a tad.

"_Very_ hot! With sexy eyebrows and everything!"

"...Take me there and we've got a deal."

Arthur Kirkland, another neko, had just woken up (He had had far too much to drink the night before, so he had had to sleep off a hangover, and he did not handle alcohol well at all), when a knock sounded at his door. Groaning, he stumbled out of bed and to the bathroom. He quickly pulled a comb through his dirty-blonde hair, and washed his ears (one white, one cream), before running downstairs. He was still in the suit and tie he was wearing last night, although they were wrinkled and covered in various stains.

He opened the door to Gilbert (He hated that damn cat), and some kid he'd never seen before (The kid was decent-looking, Arthur had to give him that.)

"Arthur, you owe me that debt~" Gilbert smirked.

"Yes, I do. Thanks for reminding me", Arthur snapped, his words dripping with sarcasm. He hated to think back to how he had lost that drinking game to Gilbert. "...Don't tell me it has something to do with the kid with you."

"Yep, it does! Your job's to just hang out with Alfred _all _day." Gilbert motioned to Alfred, who was staring right at Arthur's face. Arthur wouldn't have been surprised if Alfred was drooling.

"...Is this hanging out romantic?"

"Yep!"

"..Fine." Arthur realized his mistake seconds later as Alfred wrapped him up in a crushing hug.

"I haven't gotten to meet such a good-looking guy in forever!" Alfred gushed.

Arthur shoved him away, blushing. "Belt it, git!"

Alfred chuckled. He was quite happy with his prize. The eyebrows _were_ sexy and Arthur's cat ears were adorable. "Okay, come on you two! We have a date to crash!..Where are they going out to?"

"They're at an Italian restaurant duh! It's downtown. I can find them there." Gilbert grinned mischeviously.

Alfred grinned back. "The sooner I can get rid of you kid, the better."

* * *

Sorry, this should have been faster but I've been having computer problems.  
Made it Fem!Canada instead of Canada for whatever reason xD

Also the title makes sense (at least to me) first because Alfred fails as a babysitter, and second because it sounds like something he'd say.  
Playlist:  
Some Nights- Fun.  
All of Owl City's "Ocean Eyes" album.


	4. Chapter 4 Plushrump

**Title: **Kesese! Kat

**Pairings/Characters: **Frying Pangle (Hungary/Austria/Catboy!Prussia), GerIta, USUK.

**Rating: **T

**Warnings: **Perverted use of Italian food, mention of past crossdressing, perverted use of stuffed animals, and mention of car sex.

**Summary For This Chapter: **Roderich and Elizaveta eat with Ludwig and Feliciano, and Alfred drives Gilbert to Olive Garden.

Feliciano nibbled on his gnocci while watching Ludwig eat Italian sausage. Roderich shuddered; the little Italian was drooling profusely.

The nobleman remembered Feliciano as Francesca, the two years younger crossdressing boy whom Elizaveta was quite fond of. They'd gone on many shopping trips over their high school years. Feliciano made a convincing girl; in fact, until today, Roderich had thought he was a she!

According to a very red-faced Ludwig at the beginning of the evening, he had had a huge crush on "Francesca" during high school, and all through college, although they lost contact after graduation. A few years later, Feliciano had been living with his grandfather Romulus in Italy and working as a sous chef. He'd also stopped crossdressing. Romulus had decided to move back to America to date an old friend, and Feliciano came with him. That old friend happened to be Ludwig's grandfather Otho. Ludwig and Feliciano were introduced soon enough, and Feliciano recognized Ludwig from high school. They hit it off as friends, and after Feliciano confessed to have being "Francesca", they became lovers.

As soon as Ludwig had finished, Elizaveta had started fangirling, much to Roderich's embarassment. He knew tonight was going to be a long night.

"Alfred, the bloody Olive Garden is on Brookfield, not Miami!" Arthur yelled, slapping a laughing Alfred. The two were in the process of driving Gilbert to Olive Garden, but Alfred was having too much fun bothering Arthur to actually get the catboy there.

Gilbert was seated in the back, playing with an alien plushie. If you squeezed the plushie's arm, it was says phrases such as, "Bitch fuck!" or "Fucking limey bastards!" He was wondering what why he wasn't at Olive Garden yet, but distracted himself fom biting Alfred's face off by grabbing Arthur's "Flying Mint Bunny" plushie and having it make out with the Alien plushie.

Just then, Alfred parked in front of Olive Garden. He and Arthur turned around in unison to tell Gilbert they had arrived, only to stop and stare at the plushies "getting it on".

Alfred was laughing hysterically, and even had to grab a tissue for nosebleeds. Arthur, on the other hand, cussed Gilbert out. The silver neko was guffawing, a large grin on his face.

"Dude, awesome!" Alfred slapped Gilbert on the back as the neko slipped out of the car.

"Thanks!" Chuckling some, Gilbert slipped into Olive Garden.

Cussing loudly, Arthur climbed into the backseat on his hands and knees to retrieve his "Flying Mint Bunny" plushie. He had just grabbed his beloved stuffed animal when he felt something on top of him, pressing into him. He looked up to see Alfred.

"W-Wanker, what the hell are you doing?!" Arthur was trying not to blush, and slowly but surely was failing.

Alfred grinned evilly. "You~"

* * *

WOW HOLY CRAP... I told my friend that I'd update this TWO WEEKS AGO. And I've had this chapter written since... AUGUST. I'm so sorry! So was not distracted with reading Homestuck Bet you weren't expecting that ending, were you? Title is a Homestuck ref, in case you weren't aware. I also have an Ouran oneshot that's TamaHaru/Hitachiin Twincest, called "Sexual Chocolate is Sexual", that's obviously a Valentine's Day Special (screw the fact that I wrote it in September, Valentine's Day's cheesiness rains supreme year-round) that I should put up next. Oh, and after I get further in Homestuck, I should totally write a fic for that... A yuri one. Fuck yes. 


End file.
